The Limit.. NONE.

2010-09-12T17:21:00.001-05:00

Guys are jerks.

2010-05-27T19:38:00.002-05:00

So, a little while ago this guy kept on asking me questions on formspring saying that I was cute & that he always saw me in the halways.. but never says hi because I seem unaproachable since he's "shy". well, I kept on asking who it was.. & he sent me a question with his username on it saying who he was. Turns out.. it's one of the most popular guys at school. A lot of my friends used to talk about him saying he was hot.. & one of my friends actually stayed after school and watched him run around the track with one of her friends. I was all like "um.. that's creepy. I wouldn't mention that again if I were you.." Ha, so.. yeah I heard of him and yeah. I honestly don't think he is THAT cute. He isn't really my type. I like mediteranean guys.. and he looks like taylor laughtner. So, I guess he has a rep of being a major flirt.. and being a complete jerk. Well, the first day we actually talked in person.. was at the end of gym class. I was wearing a skirt.. and he pciked me up & hugged me.. and like my skirt flew up when he spun me & anyone staring at us (which a lot of people were) pretty much saw my brand new victoria secret underwear. lol, greaaatt. My face turned beat red.. & he had no idea why until I told him later on. He flirts in like a joking way.. but it is also rude.. even though I know he is joking. I still don't like it. Like, he will hold my hand in the hallway.. & then let go immediately and like push me away towards my next class. Today, I was in gym class.. and like dying so I was taking a break.. and he came in and looked at me.. and walked out. & after gym class.. we were standing together.. & he was sweating from gym. I wasn't but felt like I was.. and I was all like, "I'm dying.. it's so hot." & he was all like, "yeah, it's because you're fat and out of shape." I was all like, "thanksss..." & all of his friends were all like, "wow, dillin... you're nice.." & then he poked my stomache.. and was all like, "it's like poking a beany bag." I laughed and then we went to our next class. when I went home.. I went on an hour run. I know he was kidding.. but still. I'm kinda pissed. tomorrow I'm planning on giving him the cold shoulder.

PHS cheerleading.

2010-05-22T05:40:00.005-05:00

So, since last year.. so many people have been trying to get me to join cheerleading. Some of their reasons are because I have that "cheerleader look". wtf is that? ha! Some peoples reaons are because I would love it. Some have their reasons mentioning my 11 years of dance experience. I finaly gave in last night! My friend wouldn't stop talking to me about it. So, I just gave in.

It took nearly two years for my to try out.. so hopefully they can shut up now. I am kind of really excited, though. I mean.. I haven't danced in like 2 years.. so hopefully I don't completely suck. It burns major calories too! But, when I was dancing.. my legs got so muscular.. I HATED IT! hopefully they don't start to this time :-/

Practices are only 2-3 times a week.. so I don't know. But my friend paige is on the team.. so we are going to like all like practices together & everything. If I make it.. I'll post a picture of me with my uniform on :)

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Anyways, today I am going to six flags with my friend paige :)

Hopefully I'll get tan and do A LOT of walking! :)

I barely ate anything.. except for yesterday I had a major binge.

Starting fresh today :)

doo da doo it's allll gooood ;)

2010-05-20T18:46:00.003-05:00

So, today we got out early because of senior presenations for senior project. we got out around 10 I think. the guy I've been talking to since christmas vacation who has a girlfriend of two years gave me a ride home. we hung out for a few hours. after he left I went over my friend paige's & we went on a frieken two hour walk. I got a little tan out of it. AND I was feelin greaat.. until I came home.. and like binged the crap outta myself. so, I barely ate a thing for a few days.. and it would have been 3 if I hadn't binged tonight. why cant I ever make it past the 3rd day!? well, I am starting FRESH tomorrow. oh, & my teachers signed me up for kettle bells in gym class.. which is like working out to the extreme. the first day was horrible.. and today I could barely move my arms. my legs are fine. it's my legs & ass. I could barely sit down or walk. when someone gave me a hug I like flipped out.. & then one of my friends forgot and slapped my shoulder.. and I nearly died! well, me & paige got some peace tea.. which is the picture above. it's great for a treat everyoneinawhile. it's 150 calories in the whole bottle. I took that picture above, btw.. so yeah, starting freshh tomorrow. I want to look amazing & tan when I come back to school monday. it's supposed to be 85 next week! fml, right? since I have like no shorts.. lol.

LALALA, SOUP.

2010-05-09T13:09:00.002-05:00

So, NOT eating anything... yeah I would die. Not in a legit way.. just because I would be more likely to break out in a binge.

So, I was eating Ramen last night(130) and I was thinking..

I only really like the packet stuff.

So, I am going to eat ONE ramen packet a day.

I am going to take the packet for breakfast.. and eat the flavor in a bowl so it's like soup.

the, when I get home I am going to have the noodles & my strawberry smoothie.

I can alternate between those.

I hope my mom isn't reading this. She said she was going to do a "check" in the computer because she can tell if I sent an IM. well, I haven't. I have been listening to music on facebook, writing here, and working on my career development thing.

It feels so late in the day.. but it's only 2:12. greaat. I know I'm going to sleep WELL tonight!

I am weighing myself friday. every friday. I reaaally want this to work!

I'M FAT AND UGLY!!!

2010-05-09T08:04:00.004-05:00

Okay, so this weekend has been VERY binging. thursday I weighed myself & I weighed 108. Right now I probably weigh 1fucking12! fucking hell! OH, AND I WOKE up today with about 6 pimples on my face. SIX! it's NOT cute! I have to go out in PUBLIC today! aghhh. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO! Tomorrow I have school! To see TWO guys that I am TALKING to! ugh, and 4 of the pimples are on my fucking NOSE! I am going to put some make-up and coverup on when I go out... like pile it on... but like, when I get home... I am jumping in a freezing cold shower & washing that shit off! I'M PISSED! really, this is probably the most pimples I have EVER had in my life! ugh, I need my adderal back! I feel so lost without it! but I can't take it until tuesday! TUESDAY! fucking hell. OH, AND I REFUSE TO EAT UNTIL THEN TOO! I am sosososo FAT! I can feel the fat on me when I move. It's DISGUSTING!

MY WEEK(END). ♥

2010-05-08T16:50:00.006-05:00

So, I think that I am going to start putting ONE thinspiration picture in each blog thingy that I do.. just for the readers :)

So, about my week. My week was pretty boring. I felt disgusting the whole week. Yesterday & today I do the most. YESTERDAY I had a huuugeee binge. omg. my NORMAL friend was all like, "you're like bindge eating right now." That shut my mouth for the rest of the night.

Later that night.. we went down to the rocks near pawtuxet village. What it is, is that there are these rocks that you walk on across the water... and it is soo long. we burned about 400 calories with all the hiking and everything. It was soooo pretty there. I can't wait to get my camera & take pictures :)

I am going to eat as little as possible! I will start monday since I can't even get my adderal subscription filled until then :-/

fml, right? So, tomorrow I am going to have to like looaddd up on the diet coke & yeah..I want to NOT eat ANYTHING tomorrow. Well, I think that I will eat 250 calories a day. like, 83 calories a meal. I can do that, somehow. I can blend everything.

I know how to make YUMMY 60 calorie smoothie.

I'll list how :)

60 calorie strawberry smoothie:

- 10 strawberries (each strawberry has only 4 calories!)

- 3 packets of the splenda with 1 gram of fiber calorie free + 1 gram fiber :)

- 6-10 ice cubes (0 cals, duh)

- 1/2 cup of LIGHT cranberry juice (you can barely taste it, it just adds to making you more full.. & about 20 cals)

so, just blend everything together as much as you choose & there's your smoothie. you can eat ALL of it, even though it looks like a lot... and you'll only have eaten 60 calories.

So, here is your 60 calorie smoothie with 3 grams of fiber :)

NEW PLAN. Actually Realistic.

2010-05-08T16:01:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I got a letter in the mail.. and it said that if I don't pass physics & algebra... then I won't pass the ninth grade! OMG right?! AGH! I need to get focuesed! Another reason to take my adderal!

I have a new goal.

My goal is simple: EAT AT LITTLE AS POSSIBLE!

Out with the old---> in with the NEW ♥

2010-04-26T18:28:00.007-05:00

So, I discovered the most AMAZING foundation today. My friend Olivia has been using it.. so I went & bought it. It's only about $14... and it works amazingly! I love it!! It doesn't clog my pored either because it is minerals! love it!

I also discovered new mascara. I don't use it for the volume. I just put on one coat because THAT'S enough to make them black enough. On the weekends if I am going out I put on two on the top for extra blackness. I love them with all my heart :')

NEW LAYOUT. ♥

2010-04-26T18:14:00.005-05:00

MY CAMERA IN LESS THAN

TWO MONTHS!!! :) ----------------------->

So, as you can tell... I've gotten a new layoutt!! :D

I am trying to make everything look more "organized" or whatever.

haha, anyways.... :)

I just came back from vacation today. Not on like official vacation.. just school vacation.

It was our last vacation until the end of school :-/

There are a little under 2 months left of school!! :)

I NEED a job over the summer.

For my birthday I am only getting one preasent because it's about $600... so yeah..

It's a canon camera so I can take AMAZING pictures

I am going to try & make $300 by the time the summer ends.

I NEED to start applying for jobs like... NOW.

But, my mom is always so lazy and never brings me to apply..

I guess I am going to have to keep on asking her.

She has been annoying the crap out of lately.

Ugh, oh well..

I am starting this new new thing to eat 300 calories a day.

100 in the morning...

100 when I get home from school..

and then 100 in the evening.

on wednesdays I can add 50 more calories.

wish me luck :)

2010-03-23T16:25:00.002-05:00

So, this weekend I decided it would be a good idea to color arange my closet. It was a wonderful distraction. I weighed myself monday & I weighed 108. However, I weighed myself today (tuesday) and I STILL weigh 108. wtf?! I have been walking neaarly an hour after school.. but it[s been raining so I cant.ughh! I feel so fat! From now I am going to list EVERYTHING I ATE in a day. Today is going to be brutal:

Crackers & hummus for breakfast.
Nothing for lunch
The when I came home I had cranberry juice, trail mix, crackers, AND pizza! fmllll to the EXTREME! :(

I am going to try & loose 5 pounds over these next 2 weeks. so, I have like 4 more days to loose 2 pounds..
ME(EW!):

Natural Distasters

2010-02-27T13:17:00.003-06:00

okay, so I know this is very different from my normal posts.. but I have been thinking about it a lot & it is kinda freaking me out.

so, you know how the world is supposefly supposed to end in 2012?
well, I am terrified to see if it actually true or not.. even though I don't really believe it.

but, all of these horrible things have been happening.
there has been an earthquake in chile, haiti, & a tsunami in hawaii.
& then on top of that all of these famous people, & people in real life have been dying. Maybe it's just because I am older and I hear a lot more about everything..
or maybe it's just idk..

it seems that all of these horrible things are happening.. maybe the events will end up to the world ending.. in 2012? idk, maybe I am just going insane. who knows. but that's my opinion. gives you something to think about that's for sure.

just a coupla words.

2010-02-25T14:43:00.002-06:00

so yeah, this week has been HORRID!!
I think it's because I have been thinking I want to try.
who knows.
or maybe I just had a crappy week..
but, I am going to keep on trying.
I will never give up.
I WILL reach that goal!

I had a feeling

2010-02-19T18:08:00.003-06:00

I had a feeling I gained a bit of weight over this vacation.. & I guess I was right! :-/

I tried on my hollister shorts that are a width of 24.. which once fit perfectly in january.. and now they barely fit! fml.

I need to start sticking to all of these plans! but, when I plan what I am going to eat.. that doesn't seem to work. so, I will just eat anything..

so, I am going to take my adderal everyday.. just not everyday when I come home from school. I will sometimes after school.. just not all the time. whatever happened to my GW of 100?

well, I am going to start weighing myself on mondays, wednesdays.. and fridays.
or, maybe I should weight myself EVERYDAY?

yes, I think I will do that because thats what seemed to have worked.

I will weigh myself everyday.. before I take a shower in the mornings.
& I just weighed myself which I shouldn't have done because I weigh 111 pounds !!! :-/
fml. this is so horrible. ugh, I was 108 2 weeks ago!! well, I guess I will go & post some thinspiration links..

http://thinspiration-pictures.blogspot.com/2009/08/motivation-is-what-gets-you-started.html

http://thinspiration-pictures.blogspot.com/2009/07/before-and-after-weight-loss-thinspo.html

http://www.pro-thinspo.com/morepics.html

so, I am giving myself until the end of march to weigh 100. thats about 4 weeks. so, I will have to loose 2.75 pounds a week. if I do my crunches & everything, it should be possible :)

Life's Unfair.

2010-02-09T18:56:00.003-06:00

okay, well apparently the not eating will mostly take care of itself.
I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate everything.
My moms cancer is back.. or apparently it never went away.
She has been out sick for a couple of weeks with Pneumonia.. & so when she was finally going to go back.. she found out that she was going to get fired. She was behind on her bills I guess & I have no idea how much money she has left. maybe none.
I am terrified that we may loose the house.. I love it here so much.
so yesterday morning I was getting ready & she told me that she was going to take some sleeping pills to help her go to sleep.. and then she said I love you. I didn't say anything, so she just shut my door.
I got a call from Darcy, a family friend saying to go & check on my mom saying that she had gotten an extremely disturbing text message from my mom & to go & check on her. I already knew what was going on, I'm not an idiot and just know people. so, I went to go & check on her. she was laying down. I pushed her a couple of times & she didn't move. I checked her pulse & I couldn't feel anything. But then I smacked her & she moved. so I told Darcy she was fine out of panick and just hoping she was. Darcy asked if I was sure & I said that she should come over here and check. she said she was in her pj's but she said she'd be over. I didn't know this part yet, so I continued getting ready for school.. & starting breaking down crying.. trying to breath & get a grip and tell myself everything would be fine and that my mom was just in a deep sleep. then darcy came over and went into the room, her next words were startling as she said she needed to call rescue. I freaked out & gathered my stuff for the school day and called David (my friend who gives me rides) to come NOW. he said okay, & I went outside & darcy asked me what I was doing. & I said I wanted to go 7 wait outside for David. the truth is david comforts me & reminds me of everything. he is just a safe person who I prefer to be around out of choice.. one of the VERY few who I feel that comfortable around and who I ACTUALLY want to be around. so I went outside 7 that's when the ambulences came. they went inside.. I called david and told him to hurry up. he said one minute and I hung up. then the ambuulences rolled my mom out on a stretcher. she seemed lifeless and hopeless. kind of pathetic honestly. a few minutes later they said she was responsive and talking.. which was AWFUL quick. but whatever. so then this police guy came up to me 7 kept on asking me rediculous questions to try & figure things out when it's RIGHT infront of him. it's quite obvious she overdosed on painkiller intending to kill herelf.. because she got fired and of money and she didn't know what to do. but, then david came, and when I was heading towards the car the police guy wouldn't let me go. he told me to tell david & julianna to go to school on there own. so they left. & I had to go back in the house.. and see the 2 or 3 page double sided note.. which what most people refer to as a suicide note. my grandma was there also. she said she needed a copy of it. they gave her a copy. apparently my mom has a copy machine. so, I never even got to read it. I don't want to. maybe I do. I don't know. but, the rest of the day was CRAP. I found out that my moms cancer is back.. and that it apparently never went away to begin with. I guess everyone just told me that.. when apparently EVERYONE else knew. even david.. & apparently she is NOT healthy. she is probably going to die. but according to darcy, she hasnt had that talk with her doctor yet. I know. She probably isn't goign to live much longer if she is unhealthy as everyone says she is. I am thinking she isn't going to see me get married.. which I plan on doing once I am at least 24 or 25. about 10 years from now. that's what I figure. & I hate it. I really do. edit later.

I'm STOCKED

2010-01-24T15:22:00.002-06:00

Ha so I just came back from bridgewater for the weekend.
Now, last week I took my adderal LEGIT everyday. & omg I felt soo amazing!
But this weekend I skipped it so yeah I'm not feelin' so hot.
But this week I am going to take it again. EVERDAY.
I will weigh myself at the end of the week.
But, omg.
Have you every heard of fat-free 25 calorie turkey bologna?! I have & it's amazing<333
So yeah, I haven't been on a strict program in a while. But, I think I am going to start that again since I have more variety.

I will have a slice of Bologna(25 cals)
This amazing splenda hot chocolatte I found (25 cals) twice a day
A special K bar (90 calories)
Lipton Ice tea with antioxidants( O cals )
& so altogether thats 140 calories a day.
thats not a lot at all because of the things I am eating.
ha.

But, I am also taking my adderal twice a day except wednesday night to give myself a break.. wish me luck :p

New look

2010-01-12T16:56:00.002-06:00

I am going to get a new look. I do have some pieces already but like whenever I go shopping I will buy only those types of clothes.
Like, I can still buy some stuff from hollister & everything.
But, I want to lean toward the more edgy girly side of things.
Like, I am going to start shopping at forever21 a lot more often & I bought my first pair of skinny jeans & a pair of mocassins. I just looovee the look so much. I really do. So yeah.
This will be going into more of an affect next year because this year I am not even probably going to get anymore money until spring... & then I wont be THAT edgy because it's the summer & dark clothes don't really work then. But, next fall & winter... CAN'T WAIT. But, I think I am going to try & save up like $100 before winter is over & buy a whole bunch of new edgy stuff in like march. haha :p

okaaay

2009-12-30T10:47:00.001-06:00

okay so, I finally have my adderal! & I probably gained only 2 pounds.
So, I am going to take my adderal everyday, woohoo!
& I am going to have 2 hot chocolates a day with 4 mini marshmellows.
& I am going to do 50 crunches, 15 lunges, & weight lift 10 pound weights every other day for 15 minutes.
& I am going to do stretches & drink at least 1 bottle of water a day.

OMFG OMFG OMFG

2009-12-22T16:24:00.002-06:00

OMFG my friend allison was just here & we havent seen eachother in like literally FOREVER! So like of course we were having fun with my mom not here & we PIGGED THE FUCK OUT! like omg! so much for the plan to start today! I guess it is just going to have to start tomorrow. Well, like seriously. I had SO MUCH food today. I wasnt on my dderal today so it felt like I hadn't eaten in FOREVER. So we had pizza, some beef stew, popcorn, hot chocolate, & peanuts. like omg! so ou have any idea how many calories that is?!?!like wow. just wow. off the top of my head I bet that is 800 calories. wow. of pure CARBS. I am going to feel like SHIT tomorrow! Well, when I get home from school I am going to take my adderal. And, how it works is it makes me concentrate & like if I have any food in my body, it pretty much makes me get rid of it, so yeaah. I am going to ahve the runs tomorrow. good! lmfao. I need that! which is why I am going to take it after school. oh, & I am like going to be taking my adderal also so I go to sleep early, and SLEEP early!

fuck my fucking life!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-21T16:20:00.002-06:00

omfg! my fucking mother jsut went to get the adderal subscription & they wont do it! they only allow every 30 days! well its been like 3 weeks I guess so now I have to wait until fucking december 29th! fuck fuck fuck! my PLAN is deffinately ruined! THE PLAN: was to take my adderal all of vacation & only have like a bowl of cereal a day because I am not going to be doing much. & like last week I was 105 but I had a binge today so I am probably 107 now. but I was going to AIM to be 100 by january 4th (when I go back to school) & then go shopping and buy a bunch of cute clothes! BUT NO! this isall ruined! I can't get th damn adderal for another week! F MY LIFE! what I am going to do as "the plan" is take bennadryl when I get home to go to sleep aty like 5 or 6...probably 5ish.

& I am going to be drinking TONS of diet coke.

wish me lucjk,

Change of Plans

2009-12-16T13:14:00.003-06:00

okay so change of plans. since its winter & everything I am going to eat WARM & SATISFYING things which make my taste buds more happier.

So, in the morning I am going to have hot chocolate (120 calories)
with 2 marshmellows (50 calories). I am going to tear the marshmellows in half so it looks & tastes like 4 marshmellows.
Then when I get home from school I am going to make something which tastes like apple crisp, but ISN'T apple crisp.
I am going to take 4 apple slices (50 calories) & put 2 tsp of cinamon on them (30 calories) & put them in the microwave for 1 minute 30 secconds. Tastes amazing(:

So, thats 250 calories a day.

Healthy & Happy makes it happen

2009-12-14T18:36:00.004-06:00

Well, the last time I weighed myself was last week and I weighed 106. But, I ate like SUCH a pig yesterday at the christmas party I probably weigh 109 at least! So, I was reading SHAPE magazine & apparently eating like a happy person helps.

So I am going to fill my diet with colors. Like, I am going to drink 10 calorie yellow lemonade from a blue glass with a pink straw.

So, I am through with just eating different things everyday because that apparently doesn't seem to work.

I am going to make a plan of food to eat EVERYDAY. Like routine. It helps:

For breakfast I will start off the day with 130 calories of hot chocolate & my adderal.

I don't eat lunch at school, so I will bring some 10 calories crystal light lemonade to school & I can have a sip of that every class so that I don't get de-hydrated.

Then, when I come home I can have an apple. & it's winter, so I am of course going to be wanting something WARM to eat. So, I am going to put cinamon & splenda on it and put in in the microwave for 45 secconds. I've tried it before. tastes good(:

So, I am going to be eating like...
130 calories hot chocolate
10 calorie crystal light
15 calories cinamon
90 calorie apple
40 calories 2 tsp of sprinkle cheese

285 calories a day. sounds good. but, on tuesdays & thrusdays...I can have a slice of 80 calories toast in the morning also.

So I will be eating about 2000 calories this week. I will start something new next week.

Oh, & its not much exercise but, I am doing hockey in gym so we are like walking a hitting pucks. haha. & I walk home a half hour about 3 times a week.

I HATE MY LIFE

2009-11-27T17:48:00.002-06:00

I hate my life so much! yesterday was thanksgiving & when I ate dinner I really didnt care because I didnt eat anything else that day and I weighed like 106. But, then desert came and I ate so much! 3 slices of pie and ice cream! omg! & today was not as horrible but still bad! I hate a potato, chicken and noodles, and cereal! its so many calories! omg. so tomorrow I am going to take my adderal...and sunday and like everyday. arg. I am such a fatass! & I am supposed to be going shopping sunday! its friday night! well, I am starting something up again. hello?! only a serving of cereal a day and a serving of milk. which willl be like 200 calories a day. but, the cereal has like 13 grams of fiber per serving. so yeaah. I hate myself so much!

christmas

2009-11-20T18:43:00.002-06:00

So, for christmas I have everything planned out. from this mom I am going to ask for:

- this expensive hair straightener
- sephora Gift Card
- these american eagel shoes
- & a black norht face fleece

I am only asking for this much from this mom because the hair striaghtener and fleece are like really expensive! maybe I will even change my mind and not ask for the fleece...and ask for something different. who knows. maybe I will ask for a gift card to a clothing place? I guess not...because when I get money from everyone else...that's when I buy a whole bunch of clothes.

Well, last year from my other mom...she gives me $200 for christmas and then my relatives give me money. Last year I probably got $400 all-together...but this year I am estimating around $300. so yeaah...I will have $300 to spend on new clothes...which is okay I guess. ha. It actually deffinately is. and it will be my own money so I can buy expensive things if I want...right now I am going to go on these websites and see how much I can get for $300...hold on.

probably like 2 new pair of jeans...which will probably be like $60 each...so thats like $120 so thats like $180 left for other clothing items.
I will probably want a belt...so thats like $40...so I would have...$140 left for shrits? urg...that's like NOT enough. Oh well, I'll see what I can do with that. hold on...

so idk. I MIGHT get a belt...but I will probably end up not getting one. who knows.
but, lets just say I do...then I will leave $260 to buy things at the expensive stores...then I will leave like $40 to go to like forever21 and charlotte russe...but if I don't find anything I like (which I don't think I will) I will just spend my money wherever.

or, you know what? it is so far away idk why I am thinking of this now...but like I will have like $300 to spend wherever I want to find cute things. there you go! ha.

Blonde hair

2009-11-20T18:36:00.002-06:00

So, I have been on and off with taking my adderal. But, starting tomorrow I am going to take my adderal everyday. literally...except on thanksgiving of course. or maybe then also...who knows. But, I reaally want to dye my hair blonde over christmas vacation & I know that if I died it blonde at this weight I would look REALLY GROSS! so, I really want to loose at least 5 pounds before this month is over. so yeah...5 pounds in about 11 days...and then I will have like a month to loose 8 more pounds before christmas vacation. I really don't care if my clothes get big on me...because there is only 6 more weeks until christmas vacation. Or, maybe I will just buy amazing make-up and clothes...then during the summer I will dye my hair blonde. that makes more sense. Also, I think I may be a bit to young to dye my hair that blonde...just I will wait until over the summer. But, I still want to be a size 0 for christmas shopping. I am going to buy amazing make-up to make me look flawless...and maybe I will even buy a natural hair lightener that is in shampoo...who knows. But, yeah I really want to loose weight! I really really do! I am going to weigh myself everyday starting monday. so, monday I will weigh myself...then I will weigh myself everyday after that. And, I will post it here. The embarassment after a binge will help to NOT binge again. I mean, I just really want my thighs to be thinner! so if I loose 10 pounds that should solve it...and then another couple more for my stomache. yeaah..this is going to be a long journey but completely worth it!

for a cause

2009-11-14T19:10:00.002-06:00

okay so the last time I weighed myself I weigh 107. I have no idea how much I weigh right now...but I am going to weigh myself wednesday. When I weigh myself I will probably only be 105 because I probably gained 2 pounds this weekend. I haven't been good at all. but anyways, I am going shopping tomorrow. yay. my clothes are getting big.
But, I have taken pictures of myself recently and my face has been EXTREMELY puffy and bloated looking! I think its from these damn carbs whever I binge.
So, now I really have something to look forward too. my face will be thinner! I hate how puffy it is:/
I still hate my body but yeah.
& so up until january I am thinking...

TOTAL TRANSFORMATION:

I am going to take my adderal like everyday no exceptions except for sundays. That's my break day. So, I am thinking that even if I stick to it I won't weigh 98 pounds until new years. so, I am going to transform myself! I am going to wash my face religously and brush my teeth twice a day and NEVER forget like I sometimes do. And, I am going to do 50 crunches a day except Sundays. Like I said, sundays are like my do nothing day. I need them. And, I am going to go on a 30 minute walk at least once a week. Once a week is like doing nothing...but it still helps. Or, you know what. I will just walk home from school 3 days a week. Yeah, because that takes like 20 minutes. So, I pretty much have a month and a week to transform myself. A month and a week to loose about 15 pounds. I think that's possible. That's 47 days from now. So, 15 (pounds) divided by 47 (days) = 0.319 rounded to 0.32. So, I pretty much have to loose 0.3 pounds a day. Ha! That is deffinately possible! I just have to take this day by day. What I need to think of is doens't really matter if I look gross going through this because I am already gross and the school day is short. Things have to get worse before they get better! & the reason why I said 47 days from now is thats because that's new years day...and the following monday is when we go back to school. & I want to look hott! so yeah. Oh, and I reaally need to not touch my face so much! It's probably why I break out so much. I am also going to try and take a vitamin everyday. But yeah, on my next post I will post a list of things I am going to do over christmas vacation.

& then some...

2009-11-10T13:34:00.003-06:00

Okay, so today I went out after school with a couple of friends and we went to this resturaunt. fucking hell...
everyone was splitting because we hadn't bothered stopping at home. & because I don't eat red meat. the 3 of us ordered chicken and waffle fries. I didn't eat the fries but I gave in for the chicken:(
& now I have a stomache ache. I guess thats what happens after only eating 100 calories a day for 3 days...then eating 230 calories. fucking hell! but, tomorrow there is no school so I am going to take my adderal tomorrow and probably drink LOTS of water to loose more weight. because I am going to have to start over tomorrow. I am going to have to weigh myself friday...and I am either going shopping friday or sunday. fml.

& then some.

2009-11-06T17:46:00.002-06:00

well, instead of eating an apple a day, I have been eating one low calorie thing a day. On monday I ate cereal, on tuesday I had oyster crackers & cereal(not good!, wednesday I had oyster crackers, thrusday I had a special K cereal bar, and today I had cereal w/milk. I weighed myself this morning & I weigh 108(:
I mean its not that good...I only lost 3 pounds this week. probably would have been 4 if it wasn't for my binge tuesday. But, right now I am sucking on a lollypop. I think tomorrow I am going to have one of those for my one a day thing. & it's only 60 calories and last for like 30 minutes(:
well, tomorrow I can't take my adderal because I think my mom might get suspicous...but I am going to go hang out wiht my friend andre to distract myself from food. I will take my adderal sunday.
But, it's friday and I of course always for some reaosn over eat on fridays.
today I have had:
oyster crackers(60 calories)
special K bar(90 calories)
cereal(120 calories)
lillipop(60 calories)
thats 330 fucking calories! :(
well, tomorrow I will make sure I walk around a lot with andre. oh, & this week isn't technically over until sunday.
next week I want to loose 4 pounds.
by the time I go shopping next weekend, I want to weigh at least 104. I would rather weigh 103, but thats a little demanding considering I dont workout.so, I guess in these next 8 or 9 days, I have to loose 5 pounds. So, thats .6 pounds a day. I guess thats duable...as long as I don't binge!
But okay so this year I have an advantage...my school is hugee!
So I am going to have gym class 4/5 days next week. we are probably playing soccer or walking the track. fuun. the only thing I will be doing is walking. lol.
But, my classes are all over the building, so I walk around the whole day burning major calories. & I am going to walk home 3/5 days next week. which is a half hour walk home. wish me luck(: I will weigh myself friday morning.

how could I forget?!

2009-11-01T14:11:00.002-06:00

I completely forgot about chewing and spitting!!!
I lost like 6 pounds in one week that way before! but of course I was eating nothing esle so when I did finally eat a little bit of something the next week I gained like 3 pounds!
so yeah, of course I am going to do that & eat an apple a day.
I am so excited about this. I WILL be thin. I will be pretty. I CAN do this.
Also, I am like going to live with my moms dansko drink container. its like a water bottle...but the top comes off like a starbucks cup(:
I am going to be filling that up with all kinds of drinks. who cares if my face gets bloated with gingerale? my body will be getting skinnier and thats all that matters.
It's fall. the first day of winter is the 21st. I live for these winter and fall days because the coldness reminds me that I am sick and I can't eat because I am sick. It makes me feel frail like I don't need food.
people say they loose weight in the summer but gain weight in the winter.
I am the opposite.
I gainw eight in the summer and loose weight in the winter. I just don't work out as much because it's freezing!
oh, & I am going to walk home form school every day now. to get that half hour of exercise.

tips & tricks

2009-11-01T13:59:00.004-06:00

yes I know I've already posted a couple of these a while back but hey, everyone needs a little refresher.

Wal*Mart flavor packets. These are packets of flavoring to add to water. 0 cals baby! They taste great and really help when craving something sweet.

Just stay out of the kitchen. Surprisingly it helps.

Go to caloriesperhour.com and look at the calories in foods you love. That Burger from burger king is deadly!

Look for thinspo pics of your fav models.

Go browse at the mall. Make a note of all the clothes you will buy when you are thin.

Buy clothes that are too small that way you have a goal to get into that outfit.

Read a book.

Cut out pics from magazines

Make your own site or journal!

Wear ankle weights. I walk around the house in baggy pants and the weights. Great for the legs.

Start a diary just for your personal thoughts.

Hot showers rele do fill you up lol!

Have a elastic band on your wrist everytime you goto eat or even think of eating flick it! it hurts like a bitch sumtimes!

Diet pills, Green Tea, Laxatives, Caffine Pills and any pills take them all lmao dont abuse laxatives tho!

Drink a glass of water before you Purge it will help you Throw up (i know its not very nice)

Chew and spit food into a plastic bag make sure you bin it ASAP to make sure no one finds it!

Food youve said uve eaten take it away hide it, bin it, make washing up with it wat ever just DONT EAT IT!

8 Glasses of water a day water has no calories it will fill you up and you wont be dehydrated

Diet Coke or Pepsi MAX the gas inside will seriously fill you up buy like a 2 litre bottle drink that all day!

A Apple a Day Keeps The Docter Away!

if you ate in town take the money out of your purse save it as a reward at the end of the month you might have enough money to buy that cute pair of size 4/00 Jeans you want to wear!

When you start thinking about food make a thinspo book/ website of your own, add pics of girls from magazines write your own tips and diets, Gws, how your feelin that kinda thing!

Punish yourself everytime you eat!

look at the fat girl eating and be disgusted that she can eat that fuckin Mc Donalds!

NEVER STOP MOVING! the more you move the more calories you burn!

DIET Red bull gives you wings and its only 7.5 calories per can

Eat ice cubes or make diet coke/lemonade ice lollys for summer. plus the coldness will boost metabolism.

Instead of getting on a scale let an outfit be your guide to skinny. Break out a tiny little outfit and lose enough weight to fit into it then lose more weight until that outfit becomes baggy on you.

1.Eat Breakfast
2.Drink coffee (no more then 2 cups with a small amount of honey and low fat milk.
3.Eat seafood
4.Eat loads of vegetables and fruit to fill yourself up during every meal.
5.Wear a lacing corset to slim your waist.
6.Devour anything that helps you lose weight, for example, cough drops, hoodia or fiber.
7.Never eat pass 6:00pm or 4 hours before you go to sleep.
8.Learn to fast: To Learn Click Here…
9.Read this article: (10 tips for weight loss)
10.If you feel like eating watch a gory horror movie like Hostel 2. Click Here for Hostel 2.
11.Find out how your celebrity thinspiration lost weight or how he or she stays fit
12.Choose thinspiration with the same body type
13.Do cardio for 30-60 minutes 6 days a week
14.Choose a cardio you love
15.Make sure your workout challenges you
16.Use ephedra to reduce body fat especially if you’re a gurl
17.Change your workout weekly to confuse your muscles
18.Learn how to workout via personal trainer, youtube or DVD.
19.workout twice a day
20.Don’t be too hard on yourself
21.Have faith that all your hard work will pay off if you don’t give up too soon.
22.Understand that you didn’t gain weight over night so you won’t lose weight over night
23.Get a workout buddy
24.Chose a thinspiration that has your body type
25.Buy diet pills that has great customer feed back like ephedra.
26.Watch your thinspiration any chance you can.
27.Information on how to Binge, take Laxatives and Diuretics: Click Here!
28.Learn about weight cutting (click here)
29.Find out what a girl must have to keep the fat off (Click here to read the List
30.Studies have shown that people that eat all the same food gets board of eating the same foods thus eating less so eat the same food and bore your way to skinny!
31.Drink lots of H2o even when your not thursty for water helps your body burn more calories by preventing you from storing fat
32.Stop eating dairy, especially milk and buy soy or coconut or make your own milk)
33.Since the body burns water all through the night, it’s a good idea to drink a glass before going to bed and one when you rise in the morning. In fact, if you want to wake up quickly, down a glass of ice water while you’re brewing your morning coffee.

I hate myself.

2009-11-01T13:53:00.002-06:00

you know what!? I am absolutely comepletely serious now. I hate myself. really I do. I absolutely serious about this right now. I want to loose 15 pounds this month. the month of november. I am going shopping in 2 weeks so I should have lost at least 7 pounds by then. I am going to do it. I am 100% serious. I am tired of being fat & ugly. I want to be skinny and pretty. I want to be a size 0 and not a size 1. when I go shopping next, I want to buy a size 1 SLIM SKINNY jean. only skinny people are meant to wear skinny jeans. I am going to do this. I am going to do whatever I have to. walk home everyday. take my adderal during the day and after school. but, you know not eating anything doesnt work, I am going to eat an apple a day. that's it. nothing else. & you know what I read? drinking a glass of ice cold water every hour makes you feel full. I am going to do that everyday when I get home. & during school I am going to take a water bottle to school and take a sip of it at the end and beginning of every class. I want to be thin. I want to be gorgous.

boys and soccer.

2009-10-08T13:17:00.002-05:00

So, today was weird. I felt like I was going to faint this morning so I had 1 piece of toast which had 100 calories. So I think I am going to do that from now on. Only eat a piece of toast a day. It keeps me satisfied.
But anyways, so this senior guy that I think is really hot e-mailed me in first class. we were e-mailing all of class & he said he could help me with my math homework(:
So I was like sure. & we spent all day tyring to find a time for him to help me... & we walked with me to all of my classes & to my locker(: so yeah I skipped lunch & he and his friend helped me with my math. he sounded a little pissed though when his friend volunteered to help...but anyways...he invited me to sit outside with him tomorrow during lunch!!! Only seniors can sit outside unless a senior invites you! ah! I am so happy! get to sit outside and enjoy the sun! But, I found something out. When we were talking he said that we could go to the library during lunch if I wasnt hungry..& I was like um..I eat lunch when I get home. & he said really? me to.

haha. but he actually eats lunch when he gets home. I don't(;

& the soccer part! right before lunch I had gym and I was sweating because I was running around like crazy trying to kick the soccerball and block as defence(I suck at running). So yeah, and I acidently slapped someone in the face(:

thiiinspo(:

2009-10-07T15:11:00.002-05:00

feel so sick! just want this week to be over with! monday cannot come soon enough! I'm so sick & tired of being sick & tired. make it happen; shock everyone* peace& love ♥

honestly. I really want to go full on hardcore ana like I was last year. doing whatever I could Now I just say whatever if I eat something. Like no! I need to do some punishing. no! I shouldnt even be eating! I am going to start going to sleep right when I get home and do my homework as quickly as I can. I am also going to print out more pictures...

& apparently flickiing your wrists with a rubber band everytime you are hungry is a good way to edvelope no hunger. I am going to try it.

& yes I know that I have already posted a lot of these...I just dont feel like looking up where I left off...so I will just start over.

http://lovelythinspo.xanga.com/644658527/thinspo-real-girl/

http://thininspirations.blogspot.com/

http://skinny-blog.com/12/thinspo/

only about 2 links today. sorry! I will weigh myself when report cards come around and yeaah. Hopefully I will be like 105. I am probably like 112 right now. idk.

Whaat the hell?

2009-10-07T15:02:00.001-05:00

Okay so, this past couple of weeks I have been feeling really bloated and like crap. Tomorrow I am going to start taking my adderal again and having an apple a day. this worked before so IDK why it wouldnot work now. I am going to be posting thinspo links again! yay right? lol.
I am going to also be taking a benadryl at 4:00 so then I can go to sleep early and I wont have to worry about excessive eating. I really want to be serious about this. Christmas is coming up and when I go to shop for clothes I want to be able for a size 1 to look loose on me! & right now I am a size 1...maybe I will even fit into a 0? who knows...I'll keep you updated(:

Um yeah.

2009-09-14T17:48:00.001-05:00

As it turns out I will not be back until October...in about 2 weeks. enjoy my old thinspo posts(:

lunch tomorrow

2009-09-03T16:13:00.002-05:00

so, as the day goes by, my lips get this gross white crap on them. they only get like this in school, I dont know why, when I am hungry or havent eaten. Luckily I drank some water and had some chapstick and it went away. but, my face also gets really pale. So I figured I would pack a lunch tomorrow before I start taking the adderal next week. And because I really dont want to look all pale and sick if I see him tomorrow walking home. So, for lunch I just packed a sandwhich. I will probably burn it off walking home anyways. lol. well, it is a whole weat english muffin, with 2tsp peanut butter stuffed inside and 2 banna slices and cinamon. yum(: and smart water. I will need something to wash it down. lol. and also, whenever I dont eat my breath smells...weird. anyways, I am going to my cousins house this weekend, I think saturday, so I will probably ask my mom to take my adderal sunday for "studying". And then we have no school monday and I am going to be hanging out with andre all day. so yeah...the only thing I plan to eat in those 4 days is water and green beans, or just salad and diet coke.

Highschool

2009-09-03T13:29:00.002-05:00

so, I am so excited! I started 9th grade yesterday and it was amazing. some of my friends had my lunch, but like today I had 2nd lunch, and whatever day it was , Bday? is officialy my least favorite day. Only like 3 of my friends had this lunch! And my ex boyfriend from last year is this year going out with this stuck up chick. But anyways...W-O-W! I have been doing so much walking between classes because its all one floor! and I walked to school today and it took me like 30 minutes to walk home. I am not walking to school anymore because my perfectly straightened hair gets ruined. But, on the way home...I am deffinatley going to start walking home more often! Well I was walking home alone because I didn't bother finding my friend merrisa in that mess, so I walked home alone. And their was this guy that I was walking behind and after a while I was starting to feel like a stalker so I was like "I feel like a stalker right now. I'm not a stalker." and then he laughed a bit and smiled and said, "thats okay, I don't think your a stalker." and then i laughed and we talked a bit(in the period of like 5 minutes). and of some of the things I can remembered I asked if he lived on my street because I have no idea who the guy is who lives on my street(who goes to my highschool). and he laughed and was like "no, but I dont know anyone who lives around their." and then we talked some more and i remember the last bit of the conversation..he was like, "what are you? sophmore or freshman?" and I was like "freshman" and he was like "oh" and then after a moment I was like "what are you" and he was like "senior" and he smiled(this whole walk he was looking in my eyes...dispite the sun. lmao. and I was like "fun" and he was like "not really, theirs freshman project and everything. thats what sucks." (he laughs a lot I didnt notice). and I was like "well being a freshman isnt so fun itself." and he was like "yeah a lot of the people in your class are annoying" and I was like "my class?" I thought he was talking about like my classes. lmao. "and he was like yeah, your freshman class." we were pretty much making small talk. and I was like "yeah, prety much all the freshman are insanely tall. it looks like they are on steroids or something." and he laughed and was like, urg! I forget whhat he said. but after that he was like "well this is my...bush." and I looked at this path surrounded by bushes. mysterious much? and then he was like, "whats your name?" and I was like "rachel, whats yours?" and he was like, well, it sounded like "stephen or stephon." and then he was like "well, it was nice meeting you rachel." and I smiled and was like "you too." then I walked away towards the mile long walk towards my house. I m so walking from now on.

fml much?

2009-09-01T18:39:00.002-05:00

my mom came home today and her friends were here like all day. So they all made this pasta crap. So I had as little as possible of that. And then I had like a bowl of honey nut cherios. So, yeah. I guess I will have to rely on school to start!

And I know this planned thing didn't work. So, I am going to try something new. And it will be planned.

Everyday I will have 1 cup cereal and 1/2 cup fat free milk. I will have that once a day. I can choose to either have that at breakfast or when I come home from school or for dinner. But, if like I don't feel like eating at all that day. Then thats wonderful! Again, I will weigh myself when I get my interm report card for the first quarter.

My first full day!

2009-08-31T16:01:00.002-05:00

I went my first full day of not eating yesterday! I just had like 2 coke zeros, but I guess I shouldn't have done that because then I couldnt fall asleep last night, so I was really tired today and I ate. I had chiken noodle soup. Thats like 140 calories. Not that bad but still. Well, I am going to sleep as late as possible tomorrow and take my adderal. And, I will consentrating on finishing my paper.

Now, I know that my grandmother scale probably isnt the most acurate, but I cheated, and I stepped on it and I weigh like 110. So I finally lost what I gained this summer! But, I am not weighing myself again. I am going to eat as little as possible until interm report cards come out. And, if I weigh 105 by then, I can reward myself with something sweet, like maybe my recent craving toaster stroodle. But, if I am more than 105, I can't. And then if by report cards I weigh 100 then I can have 2 toaster stroodles. Then, I will see what happens from their.

Ha nvm I am back!!!

2009-08-31T15:59:00.001-05:00

Okay so I know I havent posted in forever. And I just put that message up because I thought it would be good for me not to go on the computer. Apperently now. From now on, when I am not at school, hanging out with friends, or doing school work, I willbe on the computer trying to waste time.

Off for a while...

2009-08-29T15:47:00.001-05:00

Hey, I sorry I havent posted in like forever! But I am going to be off for a while...like until october!

I don't care anymore

2009-08-14T19:05:00.001-05:00

You know how I don't take my aderral because of the side effects? Well, luckily I have 3 lying around. But I don't care anymore about the side effects. I don't care if it makes me want to puke, and I feel tense and like I jsut want the day to end. I will take it for three days, and then get more from my mom by saying that I want to read. That way, I have an excuse for not eating(she knows the side effects) and I also don't eat and the day flies by! That link was rejuvinating. I will post after 3 days and list everything I ate(or didn't).

Randomly browsing..

2009-08-14T18:52:00.000-05:00

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_RLyG-Z7r0x4/SHgRDGPrUwI/AAAAAAAAEVo/zhCpHeVaV-Q/s400/1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://thinspiration4life.blogspot.com/2008/07/check-yes-juliet-run-baby-run.html&usg=__1ph4d0j_Hale9bfBqLjrN_n_3us=&h=324&w=367&sz=20&hl=en&start=354&tbnid=EBxAJUVw_ljqEM:&tbnh=108&tbnw=122&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dthinspiration%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D18%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26start%3D342

I was randoml browsing and I saw this site...now this has really inspired me to get back on track! I reccomend it completely!

Holy Hell!

2009-08-12T10:40:00.002-05:00

Ohk, so I woke up at like 5, and I couldn't go bac to sleep...so I took a shower, got dressed, and perfected my hair and make-up. Then my mom went out of the house for an hour, and I am looking for a new dance studio(1 year without dance as been torture!) and I am waiting for them to call back. So, I was watching some tap videos(I love tap!), and I just played party in the usa by miley cyrus...and I put on my old tap shoes that are litrally 2 sizes too small, but I managed to squeeze them on my one of my feet...but I couldnt get my heel in the other. And I went down to my basement and started dancing...like tap dancing. And omg! I forgot how much I liked it! I am so happy right now! I am in the best mood! And, the best part is...I haven t eaten all day! And I don't even have an appetitite! I think that is the key! Dance! I can't wait until my mom is out of the house again thursday so I can do that again! But...I am in desperate need of new tap shoes! I will probably get some next month, For now I will have to deal.

urg

2009-08-10T15:00:00.002-05:00

Yeah so, I didn't eat for two days(saturday+sunday) except for the occasional 10 calorie jello, but today I had to go out to lunch and I just picked the healthiest I thing I thought would be...and it was this squash casserole. It turns out with the amount I have eaten...it was about 180 calories. Thats sort of bad. But, Tommorrow I will start up the non eating thing again. I think I am going to do something different though, Like what I used to do. But less calories.

Monday: 200 calories
Tuesday: 100 calories
Wednesday: FAST
Thursday: 100 calories
Friday: 50 calories
Saturday: 100 calories
Sunday: FAST

So thats the plan. And, if I go over, then I will need to make myself puke 3 times or more again. So yeah, I will print that out and record my results everyday. Also, I am going to try to stay up as late as possible so I sleep to at least 12 everyday. And I need to remind myself that I can't drink coffee because that makes me hungry. So I am making a little deal with myself...I will do this for 2 weeks, and if I am good, and never cheat, I can have a coffee coolada(small) before continuing with this plan. At the end of the 2 weeks I will weigh myself and see how much I weigh. If I weigh 108, or less than I can continue with this but cut out the 200 calories, and if I weigh more than 108, I will have to cut out the 200 and the 100's.

fml .

2009-08-07T19:50:00.002-05:00

Ohk, I just got my period for the first time. Here is a list of things that are neccestities to me:

midol: teen formula
playtex sport tampons regular uncented
diurex water pills original formula

Yeah so tomorrow I start that thing of chewing and spitting and seeing how long I can go without eating. Today was a good little preperation: I only had a Luna bar.
OH, and I got my period for the first time today. Woo...
Yeah well I have been crying uncontrolably for the past hour. But I just stopped a while ago.

But, now that I have my period, I hear that you rperiod goes away if you don't eat. So theirs an inspiration. I mean I just got it today and I feel so bloated! So, thats the only plus, that I feel full as hell! But I feel like I weigh 5 pounds more than usual becausxe of my damn period..oh and guess what. I have my period for the seccond week of school. Isn't that wonderful? I mean I do feel pretty normal except for the bloating, the crying, and the wanting to lie down. My face is also bloated. Anyways, the only difference besides that is I now have blood coming out of my vagina. lmfao!

But yeah.

So Tommorrow: the start of the fasting until as long as possible. Good luck to me!

I don't care if it's wrong

2009-08-06T16:25:00.002-05:00

So, I just came back from a spontanious vacation to the cape. Cape Cod. And I just came back and my mom is out until 8. So I had some pineaple and 9 square noodles. I just made myself puke about 9 times and I deffinatley will more, because I puked up the coffee and all the noodles, and now I am at the pineaple. So I deffinatley want to get rid of the pineaple. I am deffinatley going to start that back up again. It feels good. That and chewing and spitting. When I was chewing and spitting, I was loosing like 3-4 pounds a week, because I wasnt exercising.

So, I am going to start this new thing which involves chewing and spitting. I am going to see what the longest I can go without eating(of course drinking like water and vitamin water nd stuff like that, just no food). I want to see how long I can go as a little experiment. And I will be doing plenty of chewing and spitting. So yeah. Wish me luck! And yeah I know I allways say I am going to do this and I allways don't last a day before eating like an apple or something, but I am really going to follow through. I am going to try my hardest to last for 3 days, because I hear after that it gets easier. So yeah. This weekend I want to do stuff. Like get out of the house. Go swimming in a pool.

But, I am going to ask my other mom(so I have more money) if she can buy me a back to school outfit, which she will probably say no, but then I will be like what about a sweatshrt? And she will probably say yes.

Right Now

2009-08-05T10:04:00.002-05:00

So far it's 11:06 and I have taken my 3 vitamins(the fishoil, vitaminD, and multivitamin), gotten dressed in my "running" outfit which consists of navy cotton shorts, and white form fitting t-shirt, white nike socks, all shades of blue nike shoes, and this blue trathalon watch with my black sunglasses. I am going to leave the house at 11:30, and be back around 12:30, and then I will have to take a shower and be out by like 11:45, because change of plans, I am going to the cape today through tommorrow night! yay!

The plan

2009-08-04T19:51:00.002-05:00

Well today went great until just now, 8:53, I ate a bowl of cereal. H0ney bunches of oats:(

Ugh! I cannot wait until I can get that stuff. But tomorrow I plan on going for a walk. I will probably just wear my navy cotton shorts and my white camp jori T-shirt with bue and white nike's from 7th grade. I mind as well use those shoes for non important things now since I am getting new ones this year(school sneakers and gym sneakers). For gym I will probably search the internet for one of those kind of sneakers that burn extra calories with each step, so at least something good will be coming out of gym with the little perticipation(whatever the word is) I put in since I can't catch anything, and my hand-eye coordination is just, idk, I don't even bother. I don't usually run for more than a lap before I start walking because of course, its gym and its school. I mean I would if it was at the end of the day and I didnt have classes after that, but no. And of course we have classes with the guys! I mean how is anyone supposed to conventrate when you are focused on not tripping when you run and falling on your face like a spazz? Anyways, I will probably end up going with some type of white non-athletic sneaker for school not gym. In the summer I live on flip flops, but in winter I don't wear all of those boots. I don't like feeling restricted unless I am in new hampshire or something like that. So in the winter and fall, I mostly live on sneakers. Thats it. Usually the same pair everyday, because their is really nothing else to wear unless you want to freeze to death in flip flops, which some people, I among them, sometimes do. But anyways, yeah so where was I? For the rest of this week I am going to do my best with not eating aanything. And I find that when I had that bowl of cereal, it felt like I was going to puke because I was so nauses.

But this is my plan for tommorrow: wake up, spray my new victorias secret pink everything refresher spray on my face, hair, arms, legs, and chest. Then make a half glass of coffee, 2 table spoons cream, 1 packet splenda. Then take my fish oil vitamin, my multivitamin, and my vitamin D tablet. Put my hair up into a high pony tail, put on my sunglasses, try to find my watch that I haven't seen since the 6the 6th grade, and if I cant see if I can find one of my moms to wear that is very thin and very unocitable on my wrist(so I don't have to lug around my cell phone like my mom insists(another reason why I can't wait to move out)). I plan on going for a walk on my own pace and enjoying everything(looking at nothing I have seen before), oh and I have to make sure to take a different street on my way to the rodery so I don't pass this creepy guys house for the millionth time that I allways pass on my bike rides. And I plan to be gone for about 2 hours. Then when I get back I can indulge myself and take a 30 minute-1 hours shower(the plant won't die this one time). Then, I will probably put on this face mask for 20 minutes. And then I will go in my room and listen to the radio. Then while doing that I will paint my nails. Something different. I have been staring at reds and multiple shades of pink for way to long. I think I will switch back to my last summers obsession, this creamy coraly, orangy, sherberty color that came out last year. Wait for that to dry for about an hour. Go and get another half cup of coffee. Then clean my room(again!), and spray the everything refresher spray. Mousturize my sunburn on my face and attempt to remove my 1 layer of a DIY spray tan on my legs(they are now too dark!), I will have to look that up. Then I will make that ENERGY from um I forget the name, but its in a packet, and its reberry, even though I would much rather prefer REFRESH or METABOLISM, those flavors are better. And then...hmm...well I will do 15 math probalems ASAP and I will probably then check my e-mail and listen to the radio until about 6:00, then I will watch a movie(a classic). And then it will probably be like 9, so I can watch what ever on tv, and then at 11, chelsea lately(but only if I don't eat!!!), and then bed.

I will do the same the next day. Woo(:

I actually can't wait. Seems fun.

A wonderful 35 calorie snack

2009-08-04T14:05:00.002-05:00

So, this is something I recently discovered(today) that is only 35 calories and it is actually really good! I love it!

Well, get a large green pepper and cut it in half, put the other half in the fridge for another time. Take that half and cut that into half so you know have 2 pieces. Put them in your toaster oven(if you have the pizza kind) and put it on dark. If you want to use a grill or actual oven, put it in for about 5 minutes. After they are done, take them out and place them on a plate. Divide a tablespoon or more of ketchup onto the two pepper slices. Then put as much mustard as you want(0 calories)

Pepper 1:
1/4 of a whole pepper
1/2 tablespoon of ketchup
mustard

pepper 2:
1/4 of a whole pepper
1/2 tablespoon of ketchup
mustard

Vitamins

2009-08-04T13:55:00.002-05:00

Ohk so, everyday I am going to be taking one 1,000mg fish oil, 1 multivitamin, and 1 vitaminD tablet.

Also you know that a large pepper only has 40 calories? Well, I cut a pepper in half and it is on the gril right now and I will have that today when it is done, and I will cook the other half tomorrow at around 3.

And what I relized is that playing with one of those squisky ice packs helps pass time.

green tea fat burner

2009-08-04T13:37:00.002-05:00

I think that the next time I am at my other moms house(3 days), I will ask her to buy them for me and I will just be all like yeah my mom allready buys beyond healthy food allready and I do try to go walking but I just really want to loose those extra 5 pounds before school starts. And she will probably buy it. I used it before, at the begining of all of this, and I lost about 3 pounds with eating, so it controls appetite, so I have no idea how much I will loose with not eating, but I am guessing it will speed up the process and control my appetite while burning fat. It says you can loose up to 20 pounds in 15 days, and I have about 4 weeks, so yeah. I am so excited to see what she says. And before when I bought it, I just went to CVS and asked a random girl if I could give her the money and she could buy it for me, and she said yes but then she was all like "Yeah, I'll buy it for you...but you really don't look like you need it at all". Well thats my opinion isnt it?

Arg I can't wait!

oh, and yesterday I didn't eat, but today I sort of binged. I ate a can of green beens, and thats only like 80 calories. But still, I think the sodium makes up for it...

And again it needs to be friday allready! Ugh!!

I think I will start thinspo back up again

2009-08-03T09:51:00.005-05:00

I have been reading since about 9 in the morning and its 10:54 right now, so I am going to take a break and post some thinpo links. What is this? Like my 6th thinspo post? IDK. I have no idea what page I am on...so I think I am just going to start on 70. I might even be beyond their. Who Knows.

http://peachesbones.xanga.com/
Here is something fromt that site above which is shocking how much it explains me right now, well it doesnt explain everything, but it explains a bit...

Well, I don't know why, but for a while I stopped looking at thinspo which was a stupid mistake because that really helps me. So, I am starting it back up again.

And a little hint to everyone: yes coffee barely has any calories, and for some people if makes you not hungry. But, for me, if makes me more hungry. It speeds up my metabolism and makes me crave everything. I have been drinking it a lot and I have been feeling like I want to eat everything. I think thats what has been causing those recent binges. So I am running an experement today by not drinking it and I have had no urge to eat anything yet and it is now 11:20 and I woke up at around 9.

As you can see i have paid the price. I have gained so much.
I thought i could do this alone. I can't.
I'm back where i was, or pretty close.. I'm back here, sick, annoyed, alone, guilty.
Help me get my feet back on the ground.
A fresh start.

http://thebestthinspo.xanga.com/

http://simplyfragilebones.xanga.com/

http://betheoneadored.xanga.com/

http://tata-bby.xanga.com/

http://xand-the-truth-hurtsx.xanga.com/

http://fatfreefromnow.xanga.com/

http://fight2bethin.xanga.com/weblog/
^this page looks very familiar. idk why. Maybe its because I have seen a lot of those pictures before? IDK...

http://peaceloveandthinspo.xanga.com/
^I will have to remember to look back on this site when I have all the time in the world. It's really good. But I don't feel like looking at the multiple pages right now.

http://newxreal.xanga.com/
^I will also have to remember to look back at this one. It's pretty good also.

http://xxshrink.xanga.com/weblog/?uni-22-direction=n&uni-22-nextdate=7%2f26%2f2009+17%3a16%3a50.573#module--22
^their are multiple pages for this one also. And I will look back on this also. From now on I am just going to put a little * if its good and or I need to look back.

http://xhot-for-hipbonesx.xanga.com/
^I am pretty sure I posted that link on a past post but I'll post it anyways.

http://allyxwannabextiny.xanga.com/
*

http://skinny-by-summerx.xanga.com/702234366/thinspire-9829/
*

http://pretty-and-thin-spo.xanga.com/
*

Back in control

2009-07-31T20:18:00.002-05:00

oh my god! I feel so bloated after today! Thank god I am starting that thing tomorrow! I need to get back in control, I really dont care if it means taking my adderal everyday and I have to do math questions. I don't care. This isnt about my comfort. This about getting back in control. I really want to loose 10 pounds in 10 days. Jessica simpson recently did it with eating and ecercising, so I figure I can do the same...but without eating. I just have to stay in my room and not eat! I mean I need to control my cravings! Who cares if I feel empty? I need to learn to control those cravings. Well, I have made a little one way deal with myself. And, it is that, I am going to weigh myself friday, and it the number on the scale doesnt say 108(thats what I weighed the last day of school but now I probably weigh 112 or 113), then I am going to have to make myself puke 3 times. Then that night I will turn the air conditioner on high, and sleep wearing nothing with no covers so I can freeze my ass off. Maybe that will teach me a lesson. Also, I think its bull how people say calories are obsorbed in your mouth. So if the cravings become unbearable, then I will chew and spit like I used to. Now that I think about it...the chewing and spitting really seemed to work. That was when I was most in control and at my lowest weight. So yeah. This week I am going to do what ever it takes. And if I do end up loosing 10 pounds, then that would mean I will be less than 108, but the scale better at the least say 108. I think I am also going to0 start wearing a rubber band around my wrist and snapping it when I am hungry. People say that actually works. So I am going to try it. Also, I may not go on the computer for a bit to control cravings.

The key

2009-07-31T18:45:00.002-05:00

Well, I cant wait to start school back up again, because then all I have to do is not eat breakfast and I am occupied until like 3:00. Then when I come home I will have homework.

So, anyways. I ffound out that certain things help me stay on track. Like listening to the mamma mia soundtrack, and watching really long musical movies. So I will be a lot of those recently. And I will be just sitting outside and reading a lot more than usual.

omg I can't wait for school!

The Lemon Flush

2009-07-31T18:38:00.002-05:00

well I didnt eat for two days, and then I have been eating 2 meals for 3 days. And this eating has to stop!

Well, I have heard of something called the lemon flush. And I want to try it. So, for the next 5 days, I am going to be living on nothing except calorie free lemonade, water, and ice. Some distractions that I have that I can to is well, tomorrow I am going to the beach all day. And I figure something. I want to try. Usually when I am over tired, I am less likely not to eat. So tomorrow night I am going to try and stay up all night and throughout the day. And for monday, I will probably call someone and see if they want to hang out. And then tuesday I will probably just hang out. I don't know. Everything is unplanned.

And I know I am making a risk by posting because I think my mom has been going through the computers history and reading my blog posts because she is annoying like that and she realy needs to mind her personal space.

Winter

2009-07-30T19:09:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone, I wont be able to post for a week for reasons I will explain later on.
But please enjoy this is my absence.

When it was winter I wanted it to be summer! That was just so the rain would go away, but now I miss winter so much! I miss the cool air! I miss that borderline between fall and winter. When the leaves are done changing colors and some are starting to fall off. I love how crisp the air is! In it's own was that feels warm to me. I think their should be only one month of summer. They say that you shouldnt get too much of a good thing and I agree completley. Summer has overstayed its welcome. I just want to wear my favorite pair of jeansagain and feel the warmth of long sleeves and sweatshirts. I want to go skiing at bretton woods and when I blow bubbles with my gum on the chair lift, it freezes. I miss canadato, I loved it their, thatlittle village thatyou walked through on the way to Mount.Tremblante. How the pankcakes were bigger than my head! Of course, that was 4 years ago.Another thing about winter, myskinfeels like ice 24/7, but not to me, only to everyone else, and its fun to see people reactions if I give them a hug or a high five and they ask me why my skin is so cold and I just laugh and say, how come your so warm? I love going over my cousins house in the fall. Outside their are leaves everywhere because she owns 10 acres of woods and land. And I love walking around their for hours and then coming back inside, but not to their house, to her mini club house/lodge thats about that size of agood sized bedroom. I love how outside you can see the steam rising from theold fashioned fire place and inside it's so warm. I love watching the BMX bikers going for whatcould possibly be their last ride for the winter and howI freak out for a nano seccond everytime I hear the roars of their bikes because it cuts through the silence of nature. I love swinging on those swings that are connected to the trees and I have to cover my hands with my sleeves because the rope is frozen. I love the rough, rugged feel of everything. Imiss howone classroom can be a bit too warm and the other can be shockingly freezing that you have to dress in layers sometimes, but I put up with it. I miss wearing shorts to bed in the winter and how that actually makes a difference. I miss how when the snow falls, my house looks super white, and the dead plants and trees branches actually goes with the whole theme. I miss walking home from the bus after department night and just taking my time looking at the changes in the snow, and thinking about when it will be warm enough just to walk those 15 minutes to go say hi to my 5th and 6th grade teachers and they remark onhow grown up I look. I miss being able to wear light pink nail polish, andyou can actually see it because I am so pale that my summer tan doesntruin it. I miss the feel of jeans, a long sleeve shirt,and sneakers paired together. I miss everything about winter

change of plans

2009-07-25T19:43:00.003-05:00

so change of plans. for a week or two, i will eat nothing but an apple a day. and each day i will make one of these a day, a cup of v8 fruit juice, ice, and a tsp of whipped cream and i blend that up and its only 80 calories. and it fills me up so much1 that diet will be fun1

Actually

2009-07-24T21:55:00.000-05:00

So actually tomorrow I am starting this thing when I eat 2 apples a day for a week. I plan to loose at least 6 pounds on that. But then again I havent weighed myself recently so I wont know how much I loose. I guess at the end of this next week or the week after I will weigh myself and see how much I weigh. I think I will wait 2 weeks though, the friday before i come back to my other momshouse. wish me luck(:

a whole new me

2009-07-23T19:42:00.002-05:00

So, no matter what, even if I have to exercise nonstop one day, I am going to be at least 100 pounds by the first day of school. I am going to try for a "whole new me". Like people won't even be able to recognize me. I am going to get sun-in and I am getting 3 pairs of colored contacts that last 90 days each. So all together they will last for 9 months and their are 12 months out of the year. So that lasts almost a year! So yeah, I will wear the contacts since the start of the first day of school and when christmas vacation comes around I will loose anotther 5 pounds then and I will switch my contacts for another mini transformation. This will be so fun! I can't wait! And it will only cost me $40!!!

today and tomorrow

2009-07-23T16:37:00.002-05:00

Gabby just left thank gawd. And yeah I can allready tell that the atmosphere is different and i am not being pressured to eat. So starting now I am on a fast. My mom is at the store buying prune juice, so i'll have 25% of it today(thursday), 25% of it friday, 25% of it saturday, and the rest of it sunday. Its like a 4 day body clense. I really need to loose the weight I have gained over the past 3 weeks. I need a whole new start which starts today.

holy crap! havent posted in forever!

2009-07-22T21:49:00.002-05:00

well, i dont remember if i ever mentioned him in any of my blog entries but basically, their is this guy, and I used to talk to him all the time(but i don't know him), And I just like idk, I just like really really really like him. And he hasnt been on in like forever(like probablyh 3 or 4 months). And I have pretty much died, and I think about him uncontrollably(no i am not obsessed), i just cant control it. So yeah guess what, today he signed on! And like even though we didnt talk that much today i still cant help but feel something. So, I was thinking, he might be the strength to return my only eating like sugar free jello a day and not cheating and binging. Because these last 3 days have been horrible. I really feel like I gained everything back from the beggining even though I probably didn't. But ever since i started talking to him I have been not be able to eat because I am so happy! And this may sound cheesy, but my stomache is full...of warmth from talking to him! I just know that this is exactly what i need to get me back on track. And my friend is leaving my house(after 3 days, explains by constant eating, she eats all the time and i usually do when I am with her). So yeah, I will have 3 days to get me refreshed from all of this junk i've eaten. I am tricking this mom to buy me prune juice tomorrow(it tastes good to me), so I will probably take the next two days to poop a lot! ugh my ass will burn but oh well. That is punishment for caving into gabbys ways of eating. Yeah so...thats pretty much all for now because my computer is going to dye in 10 minutes

You know...

2009-07-15T17:10:00.003-05:00

You know...maybe being not so harsh on myself isnt working. I mean I need to insult myself in my head all day and wear revealing clothes so people will look at me weirdly and I will want to not eat. Because I mean at the beach I was wearing a bikini and my friend asked if I had lost weight, I mean I dont see how she could tell, I mean I only lost 8 pounds, then gained back about 5, then lost 3. But I saw a lot of guys looking at me in "that way". The checking you out type of way. And no, don't think thats great because guys looked at me before like that too, and guys are weird. Guys actually want a girl who isnt a stick. And I had something slip by accident when I was talking to my friend in the water. I was all like ugh I hate my fat! Because I was thinking it, But I accidently said it out loud, and she was all like you are deffinatley not fat, I wish I had your abs. And earlier when I was setting up my beach towel and she was all like I hate you, and I was like why(I allready knew what was coming because she says it all the time), and she was like because you are skinny. And I mean like come on! I mean its quite obvious how she is saying it all the time she thinks I am fat. I mean ugh! So, back to my point, I nee dto start being vicous on myself and I need to torture myself with cravings. Hey, no one said this was easy.

The Red Beach

2009-07-15T16:58:00.002-05:00

Ohk, today I went to the beach and I didn't eat anything and I swam all day so that burned major calories. Now, my body is tan...but my face and chest is burnt as hell! My face looks like I just ran for 2 hours without a break. Ugh! Well, and also when I came home I ate:

a bowl of honey bunches of oats
cucumbers
an english muffin w/peanut butter
and 2 nutrigrain bars!!!

Now I am so full and bloated and I just threw up about 3 times but Its still the english muffin and nutrigrain bars. I am so pissed. Well, I am going to try and throw up as many times as I can. And I will be starting a fast tomorrow. But I am not going to call it a fast. I am going to call it "loose as much weight as possible for 4 days". Because for the next 4 days I am pretty much going to be busy during meal times with friends so now to my mom I can say I had snacks their or I ate their or we ate at the mall. I cant wait because then I can not eat whatever I want. But its allways easy when I am out, its when I am at my house is when I get cravings. So even when I am not busy I will try to do something.

Mid day weigh in

2009-07-14T13:02:00.005-05:00

So, at the beggining of the day I weighed myself and I weighed 113. I have been drinking a lt of water and I went for a 20 minute bike ride. And also, of course, not eating, and I weighed myself and I weigh 111.5 which means so far I have dropped 1.5 pounds just in half a day. So tonight I will also weigh myself and record that and same with all the next days. And tomorrow I am hanging out with a friend at 4. Us hanging out should distract me majorly. It will pass time quickly and keep my mind off of eating.

7/10*

2009-07-14T09:05:00.002-05:00

Ohk, So as of july 10th, I have been going out with someone. His names Joey. But I am thinking of breaking up with him because of the 4 days we have been going out, we have only hung out once, and that was the day he asked me out. And to say the truth, I don't even now why I said yes. I mean I feel nothing for him. I don't even know why I said yes. I just did. But I feel bad because I am allways breaking up with guys. Maybe I should say to him "I think we should break up because we havent seen eachother at all, and it just doesn't feel right, maybe we could start this up again when the school year starts and we see eachother more often, I don't know. We'll see". But I don't know what I should do! Call him up? Or IM him, becuse thats how we have been talking. Ugh!

I'm back

2009-07-14T08:57:00.003-05:00

Ohk, that was the shortest bike ride in history I have been on, I'll make up for it tomorrow.
But here are more links...

http://fiasco0.xanga.com/

http://kicking-itt.xanga.com/

http://collar-bone-couture.xanga.com/

http://sknnygrl4ever.xanga.com/

http://real-sk-thinspo.xanga.com/

Ohk, so I have some major dammage. I weighed myself last night and I weigh a wopping 113, so yeah. I have major dammage control! I am not trying, but doing this new thing starting today: loose as much weight as possible everyday. I am not going to eat! At all! It's to slow and doesnt work! I tried fasting before and failed, but this time I am not going to fail. I am going to wear a rubber band around my wrist and write 98 on my hand everyday in permanent marker until I am that. I am going for a 5 minute bike ride everyday(only 5 so I don't faint but I am stil burning about 50 calories). So no eating until I am 100, then I can eat something, then no eating until I am 95. People say that cofee controls hunger. So, I am going to be drinking cofee a lot! But, the stuff that you make at home, and I will limit myself to 3 cups a day. And, I will put 2 tbs of cream, and 1 packet of splenda 0 calorie sweetener(all together thats 40 calories, and its a liquid)

http://iwannabesvelte.xanga.com/

http://itwaswritteninblood.xanga.com/

http://xx-real-girl-thinspo-xx.xanga.com/

http://yourheartisanemptyroom1.xanga.com/706336865/heading-in-a-bad-direction/

http://voguethinspo----x.xanga.com/

thats all for now(:
Now i'm going to go have some cofee

Some more thinspo links

2009-07-14T08:06:00.002-05:00

http://emmadiamonds.xanga.com/

http://livetheskinny.xanga.com/

http://tinyanckles.xanga.com/

http://skinnyisprettyx.xanga.com/

http://thiinspiir3-m3.xanga.com/

http://thescalediaries.xanga.com/

well, I am going for a bike ride, but i'll post more when I get back.

Today

2009-07-12T14:47:00.002-05:00

Today, has been day one, so I have been eating not a lot still, but all salad and fruit. And inside of me feels so much better than when I was trying to eat nothing but diet sodas and the ocasional oyster crackers. So, in the long run it will make me loose weight faster, because it will make me less likely to break. And, today I feel so happy and wonderfull, I have been listening to only fast paced songs to keep me in that "feel good" mood. I think I even feel good to go over a friends house and not break by eating something their.

Today

2009-07-12T14:11:00.002-05:00

So, today is day one and it has been going wonderful. My fridge is filled with vegetables, fruits, salad, and 0 calorie beverages. Also, I am going to call my friend up later today and ask if she wants to hang out tomorrow, I will ride my bike over so maybe we can go bike riding, or if we don't at least I get exercise during the week from riding my bike back and forth to her house and back.

I have decided to go on a "healthy" diet.

2009-07-09T13:39:00.002-05:00

Yeah so I don't want to eat specialK anymore, I mean yeah today I have eaten it but I am just so bored of cereal, and the churning feeling it leaves in my stomache after I eat any cereal with milk. So, I have decided to go on a "healthy" diet. But taking the healthy to an extreme. Starting this sunday, until next sunday(a week), I am only going to eat salads for lunch, and dinner(I sleep to late to eat breakfast).

So for lunch in dinner my salad can include the following:
any type of fruit
any type of vegetable

Thats it. No crutons(however you spell it) or dressing or crap like that...(2 tsp of ranch dressing contains 16g of fat!!!), not that I like ranch, I prefer italian or viniger, but still.

And on wednesday I can have desert, its this new 100 calorie pack microwave Kettlecorn. It barely has anything in it and it is less than 100 calories because I only put in in for 1 minute so only like 3/4 of it pops.

I will do this for a week and then weigh myself at the end of the week to see how much I weigh. If I loose 4 pounds or more, then this will be my diet for the next 4 weeks.

Monday: Multivitamin
Tuesday:Multivitamin
Wednesday:Fish oil + multi vitamin
Thursday: Multivitamin
Friday: vitaminC + multivitamin
Saturday: Nothing
Sunday: weigh self that morning

I'm not strong...enough

2009-07-09T07:21:00.002-05:00

I'm not strong enough for this. This morning I weighed myself and I weigh 110. But really I can't take this anymore! I am starting this new thing today that will probably help me get through the day, because when I don't eat for that long, I get this feeling that I am going to puke, and the worlds spinning, and I get an unbeearable headache, and thats all because of Damn low blood sugar, and no that is not diabetes(diabetes is high blood sugar). So anyways my new plan is something that I did before and it worked a tiny bit slower, but it still worked: I am going to have a cup of specialK or raisin bran cereal and a cup of milk a day. So thats about 200 calories a day(hey its better than if I continued with the no eating and I probably would have had 1000 calories and 2 days and more going down the drain). So yeah, I will post on my results with these to see if it still works.

Do not give up what you want most; for something you want this moment.

2009-07-08T13:56:00.003-05:00

I am so tired right now but I TRIED going to sleep but I can't, I guess its for the best, because if I sleep now I probably wont sleep tonight.
So, heres some more thinspo links

http://obscuretaste.xanga.com/photos/dcbe2198014164
^make sure you click the newer and older words because their is only 1 pic per page on that blog

http://beautifull-perfection.xanga.com/
^I think this one has a wide range

http://butterflyonice.xanga.com/albums/f20104123e3c3d/
^I noticed a ballet pic on here, and yes ballet does burn major calories, but I've been dancing for 10years and ballet for 3, and my legs deffinatley werent thin like some of those girls, my calves had major muscle.

http://glam0r0us-thinspo.xanga.com/

http://letmebe-empty.xanga.com/705974834/day-20-and-i-feel-great-d/

http://cocaine-and-rockstars.xanga.com/

well thats all for now because my computer is being stupid and keeps on freezing every 20 minnutes.

what goes around, comes around

2009-07-08T10:14:00.002-05:00

so, yesterday before I started that water thing, I weighed myself the night before, monday night. And what showed shocked me. It said 113. I guess those binges really catch up with you. And I can't say I am shocked because I am not. I have been really bad lately and have been binging. So, yesterday was day one of the water fast that was supposefly supposed to make you loose 5 pounds in 2-3 days. So, ive decided to make it 3 days.

Yesterday was day one, and I drank 2 and a half water bottles and I got to say that I peed like crazy. TMI I know(: But also yesterday went shockngly great in the eating department, that was my first day ever I think, besides when I got my tonsils taken out in 3rd grade, that I went the whole day without eating. I was proud when I woke up this morning.

Today is day two, and when I first woke up I had a lot of cravings, but my mom left out an adderal for me to take for this 100 question math packet I have to do over the summer. So, I said to myself that I would wait to take it only until the cravings became un bearable. So, I went into the cuboards and was about to stuff my face with crackers, but then unwillingly I shut the cuboards and I went straight to take my adderal. Now its weird because yesterday I barely had any cravings so idk.

The differences that happened between yesterday and today is yesterday I woke up at like 8:46 and today I woke up at 10:30. Also, yesterday I had no problem with drinking the water, but today it is really hard to drink the water bottles. So, I am going to wait until 12(its 11:24 right now) and then at 12 I will take a water bottle and say I must drink that before 12:30, and then I will take the seccond one and say I must drink it by 1:00, so yeah. Wish me luck for today(:

5 pounds in 2 or 3 days

2009-07-06T18:15:00.003-05:00

So, I did this a while ago but it didn't work, I only lost like 1.5 pounds in 3 days because I binged. I did this at the beginning of all of this. But now, since this week I am on a fast, I can succesfully do it...hopefully. So, this is what It said I need to do:

I entered my weight and it said how many ounces of water I needed to drink a day.
And thats 54 ounces of water a day for 2 or 3 days.

So, thats about 2 water bottles a day and maybe a half.
And it says that I need to keep my salt intake to under 500mg, which wont be an issue...except their may be sodium in those crystal light packages(5 calories). But I am sure its only like 100mg

So, I will do this and at the end of the 2 days I will weigh myself and see how much weight I have lost in the 2 days to say if this works or not.

This should be exciting and motivating. Hey, its for an "experiment". LOL(:

Tomorrow

2009-07-06T17:47:00.002-05:00

So, tomorrow I am starting my fast. And yes tomorrows tuesday. So, here is a list of things I am going to do to distract myself:

Go on a walk for 2 hours, or a run for 1 hour
Finish my 2nd book for summer reading
Take a shower
Wait for hair to dry
Straighten hair
Call grandma and ask her to take me to cvs to get a few things(without her knowing I will get some stuff to fill me up with no calories or to make me poop if I binge a day)
Go on the computer
Clean house

MONEY?!?!

2009-07-05T20:45:00.002-05:00

ohk so I made a list of all the items I WOUld need that I don't have for all the outfits I want, and I exited outsome items, but the total cost came to around...$400. And right now I have $175. So I need about $225 more. How the hell am I going to get that much? Well I don't know, I allready sold my ipod. Maybe I can look through all of my stuff and have a yard sale, or go to get money for it. IDK. Wish me luck(:

polyvore

2009-07-05T12:22:00.002-05:00

Find me on Polyvore

Ideas for next year pt.2

2009-07-04T19:30:00.005-05:00

So, when it was my first month writing in this blog, I made a list of 13 outfit ideas for next year(this year now). And so now, I am making some new outfit ideas...

outfit idea 1:
red plaid shirt
dark wash shorts
White lace spagetti straps
brown leather belt
brown leather flip flops

outfit idea 2:
red plaid shirt
black tank top
dark wash skinny jeans
brown leather belt
Black flip flops

outfit idea 3:
dark wash skinny jeans
white or navy tank top
navy or grey cardigain
black flip flops

outfit idea 4:
medium wash jeans
green tank top
navy sweatshirt

Outfit idea 5:
navy and white striped long sleeve shirt
purple tank top
dark wash jeans
medium wash boots

outfit idea 6:
white sweatshirt(zippy)
red shirt
dark wash jeans

Outfit idea 7:
medium wash jeans shorts
white belt
dark grey t-shirt
white sweatshirt

outfit idea 8:
plain green short sleeve shirt
white belt
my forever21 jeans

eh thats all I can think of for tonight. I'l post more eventually.

NEW THINSPO BOOK

2009-07-04T18:05:00.002-05:00

Ohk, so I went back to the thinspo helping me, because I seemed to be really focused when I worshipped my thinspo book. So, I have that one to, but it got so thick that i couldnt staple anything more to it. So, I made another one. So, for the next week starting monday...I can carry those 2 books around the house with me(only looking at them when my mom is no where in site) like I did before. Also, I made a list of distractions. I am really prepared. Except, I need diet soda...I'll get that tomorrow on the way back from the cookout or something. And, next week I will probably hang out with merrisa like about 2 or 3 times. And when we hang out, I will make sure to bring gum with me and ice cold water! Also, I willmake sure not to go in her house because something allways comes up their when I eat something. So, when we hang out I'll ask her if she wants to take a walk, or bike ride. Fun. LOL(:

On Monday

2009-07-04T17:07:00.001-05:00

On monday I am probably not going to go on the computer, I am going to try not to go on all week because its weird, when I am on the computer I am more likely to give into cravings. So tonight since my mom isnt here, I am going to print out thinspo and add it to my collection. But, I may go on like friday or something. IDK.

Can't wait until Monday!!

2009-07-04T16:40:00.002-05:00

Today is saturday. The fourth of July and I was going to go with my mom to this cookout, but I couldn't find anything to wear because I look like a major fatass it everything!!! I feel like starting my fast tomorrow instead of monday, but then I know I would mess up because my mom is forcing me to go to our family friends aunts stupid more than one million dollar house. And no offence to their aunt...but I really don't feel like putting on this dress that I had to get yesterday just for a "fancy" cookout at a HOUSE on the WATER! I mean seriously...its ridiculous. I'll post a link to the dress if they have it on the website...hold on...

no, they dont have it.

But I am wearing this white wrap dress. But the material is really thin, like a cotton jersey material, but a bit stretchy. The dress is about 2 inches above my knee. I got it from american apparel at this shopping outlit near my house so it was like $25. And I am wearing red pumps. Who knew patriotism could look this good? LOL. The reason for the colors is because its a "fourth of july" cookout. Makes sense. So yeaah.

Providence Place Mall

2009-07-01T19:08:00.002-05:00

So, today I went to providence place. I didn't get the shirt I wanted because when I went to abercrombie kids, the large was to short because of my long torso, and the Xlarge was to big. And when I went to abercrombie and fitch, they didnt have any more of the shirt I wanted except for the one on display which was in my size an XS. But then I went to hollister and the small was too small, so I asked if they had an XS in the back, but they said they dont carry XS in that shirt. So yeah. I ended up getting eyeshadow and eyeliner from sephora, 2 pairs of underwear from victorias secret in a small(the underwear ran small), Victorias secret everything refresher spray, victorias secret tinted lip butter, and a pair of jeans from hollister in a size 1slim. I was honestly shocked when I tried the 1 slim on and they fit. Because before I just barely fit into a 3. So, I am officialy a 1 at hollister. yay(: But, I still havent reached my goal yet. I want to be a 0 their, so like another 8 pounds to loose until I fit in a 0, and another 13 pounds until I am 95 pounds(: So, since this is like fourth of july week, I am cancelling my official fast for this week. Because I am cancelling it officially, but that doesnt mean that I wont fast. I mean I still am going to. But, I am starting it again officially next week, so I can start fresh, and take my adderall like 3 days next week since I have summer school work I need to do. Hey, it comes in handy at times like this. Lol(:

Oh, and when I went to sephora they were really nice and gave my 3 free samples of vera wang PRINCESS perfume and FEKKAI shampoo and conditioner. And, I am deffinatley going back their like in august before school starts to schedule a consultation and they can do my face with make-up, and I can purchase some make-up so I will have a new look for highschool. Ah, I am pretty sure that everything will perfectly fall in place.

And, NOTE TO SELF: remeber to officially re-start the fast next monday(:

Also, I am going to try to get some prune juice for when I am on the fast. I am going to try to completley de-flush my body. I really don't think I will be able to survive the fast without breaking for more than 4 days, but it's worth a shot. It's a challenge against myself(:

found the public link

2009-06-30T19:34:00.001-05:00

http://www.playlist.com/user/46626982

that is the public link I found for my playlist so you dont have to be signed in to listen to it.

woww...

2009-06-30T18:57:00.002-05:00

wow. Well I went over merrissa's, and yeah things didnt go as planned. I didnt eat breakfast of lunch again, but I ended up staying for dinner and I was all excited because then I had an excuse not to eat because they were making stake, and I don't eat red meat. But then of course merrisa had to open her mouth and say that I don't eat red meat...so then they all made pasta and salad for me. ugh! So I guess I am going to end up extending it another day again. ugh! FUCK MY LIFE! And yeah like everyone says that now, but it was desperatley needed in that scentence! Jesus! Why the hell can't I ever get past dinner? I mean like wtf? Their is allways something their! ugh! Well, tomorrow when I go to the mall with merrisa, when we go to eat lunch at the mall, I will just get a diet coke. I'll say this line that allways seems to fool people, "Ugh, no, I'm not hungry...I'm just extremey thirsty!"

So far today...

2009-06-30T11:19:00.002-05:00

so far today has been going amazing actually. I have not had one single craving yet for food. Although I have been having a craving for gatorade. But I cant have that because it has like 200 calories per bottle. So I just took a shower and at 2 I am going over a friends house and I plan on staying their as long as possible. Preferably like 8 or something. And thank gawd its sunny out today! So that means we will be outside like all day. Which means we will probably be running around a lot. That is deffinatley exercise right? lol. Well, thats all for now. I'll probably post more later.

EXTENSION

2009-06-30T11:15:00.002-05:00

sO yesterday as I was posting, I completley fasted and everything went perfect. But I completley forgot about this cookout that I was supposed to go to last night. So, when I went their I was trying to be as healthy as possible, I had a vegie burger with a wheat bun. And i made sure no ketchup or mustard. So yeah, I am not saying that yesterday doesnt ccunt and I am starting over today, because that would be unfair considering the fact that I fasted all day yesterday except for that cookout. So, instead of starting over, I am extending this fast to make up for it. I am extending it to next tuesday instead of next monday.

refreshed

2009-06-29T17:39:00.002-05:00

ohk, so I was getting bored of the old gum taste from this morning and I felt like I was about to break any seccond. So I just brushd my teeth, had a peice of mint orbit gum, put some soothing moisturizing refreshing lotion on my hands, sprayed some fresh tropical perfume on my neck, and put ice cubes under my eyes for 10 secconds. Now I feel completley refreshed and I dont have any cravings anymore. lol, thats weird but I am not questioning it(:

Instead of weekly...

2009-06-29T16:31:00.002-05:00

I cant wait to weigh myself monday! I am so anxious and it is only day 1 of my fast. I just wounder how much weight I will loose this week, because honestly, I have never completley fasted for this long before and I am curious.

Everyone is saying that after like the 3rd day, the fastig thing is really easy, well today is day one, and honestly, it isnt that hard, idk why. just isnt. But tomorow and wednesday will probably be really hard. But I am looking forward to after that to see if it is true that it gets easier. But anyways, tomorrow(tuesday) to get my mind off of food, I am going to be hanging out with my friend outside all day. And this is my friend merissa and I allways laugh a lot with her. More than my other friends i'm pretty sure. So yeah, tomorrow I will be running outside all day and laughing like crazy. lol. So I deffinatley think that will take my mind off of food, and we are hanging out at like 1 or 2. So then, if she eats something I can be like "no thanks, I am really full from lunch, it was huge(lol)". And if she asks what i had i can be like..."spagetti and bread".

So yeah. Everything works perfectly! And I will make sure to bring a pack of mint gum with me.

What I am doing right now

2009-06-29T16:08:00.002-05:00

Well, I am on twitter right nowm and I can't post this on twitter, but I am looking at hollister.com to think how much better I will look in their clothes once I am a size 0 their...considering right now in jeans their I just barely fit in a size 1 and their shirts I am a size Small. I will be so much happier once I am a 0 and a Xsmall.

music

2009-06-29T15:52:00.004-05:00

well, for the past half hour I have been trying to post this live, but it wont let me, so heres the link for it. Just some music to listen to while veiwing my blog(:

http://www.playlist.com/user/46626982/dashboard

so bored...so posting thinspiration again

2009-06-29T12:37:00.003-05:00

http://skinnyprincesstobe.xanga.com/704047362/thinspo-of-the-day-quotes-and-pictures/

http://sarahskinnie.xanga.com/696544999/summer-thinspo/

http://onethousandaday.xanga.com/603424152/lotsa-thinspo-woot-d/

http://xlittlex.xanga.com/650872264/mk-thinspo/

http://rachael-thephatness.xanga.com/673496324/thinspo-and-progress/
^their are multiple pages for this one

http://xlipglossxonxcigarettesx.xanga.com/672567825/tons-of-thinspo/

thats all for now. I'm going to go outside and tan. brb

DAY ONE FAST

2009-06-29T11:13:00.002-05:00

so today is day one of my 7 day celery and gum fast. I am not having cravings right now, as i mean that I feel wicked hungry. So I am going to go chug how many glasses of water I need to feel full...

hold on i'll brb and when I come back I'll tell you how many glasses I need

ohk im back, and i drank 2 tall full glasses of water. I will probably end up having more glasses later. hopefuly so I can pee the water out. lol

Rewards

2009-06-26T23:08:00.003-05:00

So, I weigh 108 right now, here are some rewards I can do once I reach certain goal weights.

105 pounds: get nails nails
100 pounds: Get a new pair of flip flops
95 pounds: Get those dark wash skinny jeans from abercrombie kids
90 pounds: new shirt
85 pounds: A brownie batter blizzard from DQ

Can't wait for the last one(:

ohk, so technically my original goal weight was 95 pounds. But if I am not happy with the results, then I can go up to my other goal weights. So, if I want to get to 95 pounds, I havve 2 months to loose 15 pounds, and if my goal weight is 85, then i have 2 months to loose 25 pounds.

But ive figured out that setting deadlines doesnt work. So, whatever amount of weight I loose in 2 months, that shoujld be that amount. Like this summer is going to be kind of intense in the non eating wise. So, I am going to plan out diets for this upcoming month: JULY. No exceptions unless i CHANGe them to better ideas.

July week one: celery and gum only fast
July weeks two: mints and an apple a day
July week three: a pickle a day
Weigh self afterand then decide what I am going to eat for the fourth week.

Monday

2009-06-26T17:17:00.001-05:00

So as it seems, this isnt going to work starting this weekend. Their is too much going on through a cookout, to a friends graduation dinner, to a party. So I will start monday. Starting monday I am going on a 7 day gum and celery fast.

Works out almost-perfectly

2009-06-25T18:32:00.002-05:00

so. I am starting my gum and celery 7 day fast tomorrow. So of course, this is the weeked I go to my other moms and she allways bugs me about how I should eat all time. So, tomorrow she is picking me up at about 6 and so if she says if I am hungry, i can say i allready ate at home. And then the next day, saturday, she is working and wont be home until 12 in the afternoon. So when she comes home I can say I allready ate breakfast and dinner(I will have to make it look like I ate). And i can say i am full from that big lunch. Also, the next day I am leaving because I have a cookout. So, at the cookout I can say that I ate before. And then before, I will take a shower right away and so then when she asks me about eating, ill just say i'll eat at the cookout.

2009-06-25T15:11:00.003-05:00

Well, monday I am going to the mall and I am only going to bring $50

I saw this shirt at abercrombie and fitch, and its like $60, but I saw the same shirt at abercrombie kids for $40, so i'll just go to abercrombie kids and get it.

So....

A red plaid abercrombie shirt: $39.50
Sephora flashy eyeliner in deep black: $8

Total for my shopping trip that day: $47.50

it's just a small trip because I am not actually going to buy clothes until like 2 weeks before school starts so I'll have tons of money to go and buy lots of stuff. But, when I get that abercrombie shirt,idk what size to get it in, because in abercrombie kids, I am usually a XL, and idk if I should get a L so when i loose weight...yeah. idk. Because my boobs are 32B, thats pretty much the only reason I get an XL in kids. So idk if my boobs r going to shrink or not. ugh. idk. i'll decide when i get their. Oh and btw, its not XL and L in juniors, its in kids. lol

http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P190024&categoryId=B70

http://www.abercrombiekids.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_10101_10851_529049_-1_12150_12103

Monday

2009-06-25T14:13:00.003-05:00

Monday I am going to the mall with my friend gabby. But, I just go like $300 for my birthday, but I am only going to take $50 for make-up because I am going to wait until its like 2 weeks before school starts so i can shop for my "new" body in 2 months. CAan't wait, and besides, by the time i go school shopping I will probably have like $400 or $500.

what the frik!

2009-06-25T14:10:00.002-05:00

I just weighed myself and I weight the exact same as I did before! 108 pounds! I am so friken pissed off! That 2 weeks was a complete waste! well at least i know that diet doesnt work. I knew it wasnt going too, i just figured i would try it. So yeah. Tomorrow I am starting a 7 day celery and gum diet. Of course I shall eat nothing but celery and gum for 7 days. Urg so pissed offfff you dont even understand! Now i have to loose 9 fuckin pounds to even get to 100 which was supposed to be how much i weighed now.